Tits Up In a Ditch

…is what could happen to a rider who wasn’t paying attention on any one of the many descents on the Tortilla Flats Road Race course. There isn’t a straight stretch of road anywhere on this course. Of course, what one comes down, one must also ascend, and the climbing on this course is prodigious. I rolled away at the start line Friday about 5:00 and it was 102 degrees out. The course starts out uphill, and gets progressively steeper, then a series of ascents and descents until one pretty good descent down to the lake, where there are two one lane bridges. The rule is whoever gets to the bridge first has right of way, so if any cars are on the bridge, the cyclists must wait until it’s clear. The converse is true as well, although in my experience yesterday, at least one driver felt he could go anyway as long as he didn’t hit me. Well, maybe I was being optimistic, as I had to dodge him pretty good. Once off the bridges, there is a section of road where large plates of asphalt are completely gone, so one either has to plan on dropping about 3 – 4 inches to the road bed, and hop the other side, or cross the yellow line to find a patch of continuous pavement. Here is where the fun begins. A five mile climb begins that is consistently in the 6 - 8% range, with over a mile where it doesn’t drop below 8% at all and goes over 11% for lengthy stretches. It seems to last forever, especially in 100 degree temperatures. One finally gets to the end of the road and a 180 brings us about for the return. The five mile climb becomes a very fast, technical descent. They aren’t kidding about the two hard left hand turns where you must use your brakes or you will go off the mountain into the cholla and end Tits Up In a Ditch (my take on what the experience might be like. I used to live in Wyoming). Once back to the lake one must navigate the broken pavement, the two one lane bridges, and begin another lengthy and steep series of climbs and mini descents until the approximately two mile stretch that is a -2% downgrade before the last mile or so, which turn back uphill again. It was still over 100 degrees when I finished, and the sun had just set. Not for the faint of heart. Tuesday is the Day of Reckoning, as I like to say. I’ll do it and see how I like it as a race. It could be fun, or it could just be brutal. The temperature will have a large part to play.

Friday’s Stats:
Miles: 39 over the Tortilla Flats Road Race course
Temperature: 102 degrees, wind from the west.
Saturday’s Stats:
32.4 miles, mostly flat, steady
Number of pit bulls taken out to the desert , shot, and left by the side of the road: 2
Number of couches taken out to the desert and abandoned: 2
Number of retirement communities being built miles from anywhere, but complete with 6 golf courses and fountains going full bore: 2
Number of slurry seal patches from hell: one every 5 yards for 15 miles in each direction – the Paris-Roubaix of the desert.